JokesShopping and money jokes: sales, bills and budgets
Clean jokes about online carts, bargaining, month-end and budgets that last four days. For anyone who went to buy one thing and came back with a bag.
My salary and I meet once a month.
It never stays for dinner."Free delivery above 499."
My cart was at 480.
I have now spent 200 to save 40.I went out to buy one soap.
I came back with a bag, a bill and no soap.Bargaining rule:
I walk away slowly, the shopkeeper calls me back slowly.
Whoever turns first, loses.The piggy bank at home works like this:
everybody deposits, and one unknown person withdraws."You have won a cashback of 10 rupees."
I have never felt so rich and so confused."Sale: up to 70 percent off."
The words "up to" are doing all the work.Month-end is when I remember all the subscriptions I forgot to cancel.
I made a budget on the 1st.
The budget and I have not spoken since the 5th.The mirror in the trial room and the mirror at home are clearly not related.
"I am only looking" is what I tell the shopkeeper.
It is also what my bank balance tells me.The price was 999.
My brain said, "That is in the nine hundreds."
My brain is not good at this.
Who this set suits
Friends' groups, colleagues near month-end, shopping companions and families during a sale. The jokes are about the teller's own wallet, cart and budget, which keeps them safe: you are laughing at yourself.
How to tell them
Tell them in the first person and keep the numbers exactly as written; the "spent 200 to save 40" joke works only because the sum is so clearly foolish. Sale jokes belong to sale week, salary jokes to the last days of the month. In a chat, a money joke followed by "who else?" brings out everybody's own confession.
When to hold back
Money is a tender subject. Do not post these when a member has lost a job, is in debt or has just asked the group for help, and never turn one into a comment on what someone earns or spends. Keep them light: nobody should finish reading and feel poorer.
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