Family jokes every home will recognise

Mother: "I am not angry."
The steel vessels in the kitchen: "We have a different opinion."

My father gives directions like this: "Turn left where the old banyan tree used to be."

My mother can find anything in the house in ten seconds.
Including the thing I searched for half an hour, which was "right there in front".

Grandmother says, "You have become so thin!"
The weighing machine would like a word with her.

Father reading the electricity bill is the only horror show our family watches together.

"We will see" is how parents say "no" with a little hope.

The TV remote is found in only three places: father's hand, under the cushion, and "nobody knows".

My mother called me by my full name.
I began to remember every mistake I have made in five years.

Relative: "So, what are your plans for the future?"
Me: "Lunch."

In our house there is a bag full of bags.
And that bag has its own bag.